Dealing With Difficult Relatives

Overbearing Mother In Law - Dealing With Difficult Relatives

Good afternoon. Now, I learned about Overbearing Mother In Law - Dealing With Difficult Relatives. Which could be very helpful to me and you. Dealing With Difficult Relatives

With regards to the post on Dealing With Difficult People, some commenters asked follow-up questions on how to deal with difficult relatives, such as an overbearing parent or in-law. The traditional post was written in terms of dealing with difficult habitancy with whom you have a pro relationship, such as your boss or a co-worker. But if the problem man is a relative and your connection is personal instead of professional, that's a whole distinct beast.

What I said. It shouldn't be in conclusion that the real about Overbearing Mother In Law. You see this article for information on that want to know is Overbearing Mother In Law.

Overbearing Mother In Law

Define and assert your boundaries

You set the boundaries in your relationships. If those boundaries are crossed and the other man can't seem to take the hint, you have to assert yourself to restore balance. If you have relatives who fail to respect your boundaries and behave as if the purpose of your connection is for you to bend over backwards to satisfy all of their needs, you well aren't alone. I'm talking about boundaries that you think to be lowest lines that should not be crossed, ones that make you feel violated when they are. For example, if you value your privacy and a relative insists on frequent unannounced drop-in visits, that may be a lowest line for you. Or if your mother-in-law, Endora, keeps turning you into barnyard animals without your consent, you might feel it's time to put a stop to it, especially if you begin craving grass while in human form.

The first thing to perceive is that it's perfectly Ok to satisfy your own needs. A connection that makes you feel violated isn't healthy.

Correcting problematic relationships in a physical, external world sense is fairly straightforward. You must clearly define the boundaries you're comfortable with, let the other man know what those boundaries are, and then impose them. There isn't much more to it than that. If your boundaries are reasonable, and the man is either unwilling or incapable of complying with them, you're done -- in most situations it would be foolish to continue such a relationship. It will only erode your self-respect.

If you've been going years without clearly verbalizing and enforcing your boundaries like a mature adult (i.e. You've been letting the other man treat you like a child for too long), most likely the other man won't take you seriously at first. They may even react with a bit of shock (usually feigned) at the mere hint that you dare endeavor to put restrictions on their behavior. Just let that man have their reaction, but stand your ground anyway.

Enforce your boundaries

There are many ways to impose your boundaries. Here's an coming I happen to like. Let the other man know that for the next 30 days, you intend to strictly impose the boundaries you've described. And if that man violates your boundaries even once during those 30 days, you then begin a 30-day communications blackout. For 30 days you plainly have no palpate with the other person. No drop-in visits, no phone calls, no emails, nothing -- unless it's well mandatory. After the 30-day fasting period, you can restart the traditional 30-day boundary-enforcement trial and repeat the process. Of course you should let the other man know you're doing this -- be totally transparent about what you're doing. Also, let the other man know that you're resorting to this process because they've left you no choice.

If the other man attempts to make palpate with you at all during the 30-day blackout, the 30 days resets to day 1. If this happens more than a concentrate times and you reach the point where you're pretty clear the other man has no intention of respecting your boundaries whatsoever, regardless of your attempts to impose them, then you're done. The connection is dead, at least in its current form. If the other man can't even respect your boundaries for 30 days, then what kind of hereafter do you have together? It means that your boundaries will be trampled for as long as you allow the connection to continue to exist in its current form.

This might sound a bit harsh, but keep in mind that before you reach this point, you've already expressed your needs clearly to the other person, and you were trampled. You owe it to yourself to take a step back and see if you well wish to continue this connection at all. The 30-day blackout period is a time for both of you to re-evaluate your connection from a distance. It's also a immense pattern interrupt that let's the other man know with certainty that they've crossed an uncrossable line, and sufficient is enough.

Disarm the traditional weapon of guilt

If the other man attempts to use guilt as a tool of manipulation (which is extremely common), that's fairly easy to overcome. Whenever you perceive the other man attempting to manipulate your emotions by making you feel guilty, bring the whole matter to aware awareness by asking, "You're not trying to make me feel guilty, are you?" The other man will probably deny it, but soon the pattern will re-emerge. Keep interrupting the pattern of falling into a state of guilt by bringing concentration to the other person's emotionally manipulative tactics. plainly keep asking questions like, "Why do you feel it significant to endeavor to use guilt as a tool of manipulation?" or "You must well find this upsetting if you feel it significant to try to make me feel guilty to get what you want? Can we try a more mature way of discussing this perhaps?"

You don't need to beat the man up about it, but put a stop to the weapon of guilt once and for all. If you refuse to enter the emotional state of guilt, it will allow you to be more generous in seeing that the other man is probably using guilt because they feel powerless. And if you can address that powerlessness, you have the opening to transform the connection for good.

Who does the enforcing?

If the problem relative is an in-law (or equivalent if you're not married), then the man most intimately connected to them is the one who must do the enforcing (i.e. Your significant other). This is especially important in a marriage. You and your spouse must put each other first above all other relatives. If one of your spouse's relatives is violating your boundaries, then your spouse must bring it to their concentration and do the enforcing.

Problems of this nature are especially common in relationships between 20-somethings because you're often in a transitional phase with how you identify your traditional family. For example, if you're living with someone, you may be getting closer to them while still mental of your house as the one you were born into. But when you're married with a concentrate kids, you're likely to think of your traditional house as your spouse and children. So for many habitancy the 20s narrate a period of shifting identities, a time when problems with other relatives can spike because they interfere with your romantic relationship, and your partner will bring it to your attention.

It's not uncommon to be living with man and construction a close romantic connection while gradually discovering the other man is still married to his/her "Mommy" (or equivalent). When you see this pattern occurring where you don't have the leverage to impose boundaries on your spouse's relative, and your partner seems spineless about having a confrontation, then you have to impose these boundaries with Your Partner by retention him/her directly responsible for the behavior of his/her relative. This has the advantage of pushing your partner to grow up (albeit sometimes kicking and screaming) and learning to put your needs first and "Mommy's" needs second. Some habitancy just need a good kick to get themselves out of childhood and into adulthood, especially during their 20s. In the long run, your partner will likely be grateful to you for his/her new spine.

If all else fails, run!

If the above explication fails, just up and move to another city. Many habitancy swear their marriages have been saved by this solution.

I hope you receive new knowledge about Overbearing Mother In Law. Where you possibly can offer used in your day-to-day life. And most significantly, your reaction is passed about Overbearing Mother In Law.