Interview with Zara Griswold, Author of "Surrogacy Was The Way"

Overbearing Mother In Law - Interview with Zara Griswold, Author of "Surrogacy Was The Way"

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Reader Views would like to welcome Zara Griswold, author
of "Surrogacy Was the Way," a new and groundbreaking book presenting surrogacy's possibilities through the inspirational true stories of twenty women. Zara, thanks for being with us today.

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Overbearing Mother In Law

Juanita: Zara, tell us a small about your story and what inspired you to write "Surrogacy Was the Way;"

Zara: I had ovarian cancer when I was 23 years old (March, 1994) and this led to a total hysterectomy. Of course, my main concern at that point was the cancer, and wondering if I was certainly going to live, but once I found out that my analysis was good, I became very depressed that I would never bear children. When I ultimately met and married my husband, we always planned to adopt, and attended two isolate adoption orientations. The first one (we were living in Michigan at
the time) was about six months before our wedding, and they told us we would need to be married
for one year before we signed up with the agency. The second one (we moved back to Illinois) was
around our one year anniversary, and they told us we would have to be married for two years to
work with this agency. I felt totally helpless and as if I had no control over when we started construction
our family. At this point, my husband and I were both 31 years old and we had been together for five
and a half years.

When I started researching the topic, I found some Online withhold groups. As I met other women
who were turning to Surrogacy and asked them, "what brought you to surrogacy," (and they asked
me the same question) I became totally fascinated with the stories they told me - I view it was so
incredible that so many habitancy have been through so much to have children. I view it would be
great to have a book out there that documented a range of stories - to tell what other habitancy "went
through" to have children (pre-surrogacy), what led them to surrogacy (how they made the decision
to go the surrogacy route) and then to touch on, of course, how their certainly surrogacy journey
went and see how things ultimately turned out.

Juanita: Why is surrogacy such a controversial topic?

Zara: Because habitancy don't know much about it. habitancy assume that the surrogate can keep the
baby and that type of thing. It's just a very foreign view to most people. Also, some believe that if
you can't have children, you should adopt.

Juanita: Do you address legalities and contracts in "Surrogacy Was the Way?"

Zara: Not in depth. If an intended mom refers to the ageement phase, it may be mentioned. Some
intended mothers discuss briefly whether surrogacy is legal in their state/country or if it's legal but
compensating a surrogate is not, that type of thing. It would be difficult to discuss this in great information
because the laws are dissimilar in every state and in various countries. The method of addressing any
issue in the book (from legalities, to emotional aspects, etc.) is through the stories themselves. If a
particular man chooses to go into information about any topic in particular, it will be in the story.

Juanita: What are some of the reasons women explore surrogacy?

Zara: Speaking for myself, I wanted to perceive a gravidity from "beginning to end." I felt a
tremendous hole within because of my hysterectomy, and I felt that with surrogacy (unlike adoption)
I could be included in the gravidity from the occasion of conception, throughout the gravidity and
birth experience. I wanted to go to ultrasound appointments, I wanted to see our surrogate's belly
getting bigger and bigger, that type of thing. I've heard other women say the same thing - that the
benefit of surrogacy as that you can perceive the entire gravidity along with the surrogate.
Another benefit for many, is the fact that (usually) whether both parents or at least one parent has the
opportunity to have a biological child. In my case, we used an egg donor, but we were able to use
my husband's sperm. I wanted him to have the opportunity to pass on his genetics, even if I could not.
In most cases of gestational surrogacy, the intended mom (mother to be) is able to use her own
eggs, and the intended father can use his sperm, so the baby/ies is biologically associated to both parents
- it's just carried by another person. In other cases, (such as my situation), if an egg donor is used,
then at least the intended father can use his sperm and have a genetic child. In the case of
Traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is also the biological mom to the child, but still, in most cases,
the intended father's sperm is used. Even when a sperm donor is used (this is much more rare) and
nobody is biologically related, habitancy still like the option of surrogacy because they feel they have
"some" control (i.e., selecting the genetics, planning the surrogacy). habitancy like the fact that the
embryo/baby is created with "intent."

Juanita: How will "Surrogacy Was the Way" help couples in their decision-making process
considering surrogacy?

Zara: It will give them a realistic viewpoint into what it is like to be an intended mom - the mom
to be in a surrogacy situation...the good, the bad and the ugly. They won't just learn about the "rosy"
side of surrogacy, they will see that sometimes the road can be rather bumpy. But, they will also learn
about many women who faced many obstacles along the way, who ultimately did end up having a
child (or more) through surrogacy. After reading the book, some may feel that surrogacy is not for
them, and that's okay. Some may conclude to do some more research into the branch after reading the
book. Others may read it and say, "I can do this!" and conclude they certainly want to pursue the
surrogacy path. whether way, by reading about the journeys of others (all true stories) habitancy will have
more facts to help them put their thoughts together and conclude what they want to do.

Juanita: Is your book as helpful and insightful for the surrogate mother?

Zara: Yes, I think many surrogates (or possible surrogates) will ultimately get a true foresight of what it's
like to be on the "other side." Maybe this will help surrogates (or possible surrogates) understand a
little more how difficult it can be for couples who have experienced infertility.

Juanita: What are some of the pitfalls/hardships base in the process for both the expectant
parents and the surrogate mother?

Zara: For some, it's hard just to find the right man - or for the surrogate, to find the right incorporate
to help, (the matching process). Once this happens, sometimes the "contract phase" can be hairy.
This is when the incorporate and the surrogate are according on the terms of the contract. Sometimes
people will not agree on things (i.e., how much $ per week the surrogate will get if she goes on
bedrest, that type of thing) Throughout the pregnancy, it's difficult for the surrogate sometimes if she
feels she is not appreciated, if, for example, her incorporate isn't contacting her as much as they led her to
believe they would - of if they don't seem as concerned in going to physician appt's and such as they
initially led her to believe. The other side, is when the intended parents are too overbearing... This can
be irritating to the surrogate because she may not feel she is being trusted. For the intended parents,
it's difficult to relinquish the control of the pregnancy. It's difficult to "sit back" for 9-10 months
and cross your fingers that all things is going to be okay - even when you trust your surrogate
completely. It's a hard situation because the intended mom typically wishes she could be the
pregnant one - and sometimes disagrees with things the surrogate does or doesn't do, but isn't sure if
she should say anything because she doesn't want to come across as "controlling." It can be a tricky
situation.

Juanita: What are some of the 'cons' for parents in selecting surrogacy over other options such as
adoption?

Zara: One con, is that since you Know about the gravidity from beginning to end so if you are
the type of man who worries (like myself) you spend a lot of time worrying that something bad
will happen to the gravidity (miscarriage etc.) or that something will go wrong. With adoption,
most of the time you don't know about the baby until the birth mom is close to delivering, so while
you may worry about her changing her mind and such, it's a dissimilar kind of worry and (usually) for
a shorter amount of time. The other con, is that if the Ivf exchange doesn't work, couples will spend
lots of money attempting gravidity over and over again. So surrogacy can certainly be more costly
than adoption. But if the Ivf exchange works within the first or second try, and the surrogate is
charging "reasonable" compensation, sometimes surrogacy doesn't cost much more than adoption
(and sometimes it even costs less... Especially if you are inspecting an international adoption)

Juanita: How foremost is a withhold network for surrogate mothers, and expectant parents?

Zara: Hugely important. I cannot stress this enough. If the surrogate is married, her husband
(especially) must be supportive of the pregnancy/surrogacy. If he's not, she probably isn't a good
candidate. Expectant parents certainly need to lean on each other too - it's a very stressful (albeit
exciting) time. In expanding to friends and family, habitancy can find withhold Online in today's age of
modern technology (thank goodness!) and I certainly advise that both intended parents and
surrogates take benefit of this. I am forever grateful that I was able to rely on women I met
Online for support...both other intended mothers and surrogates.

Juanita: What aspect concerning surrogacy is there the biggest lack of facts for everybody
involved?

Zara: That sometimes habitancy don't perceive how they are going to feel once there is a pregnancy.
Especially for intended parents - sometimes habitancy don't perceive what is going to concern them once
someone has their baby/ies in her belly. This is certainly addressed in the book - again, so habitancy
can get a realistic view of what emotions they may experience. It's the same thing for the
surrogate...she needs to certainly think about what it means to her to have the responsibility of helping
people to come to be parents, and what it may be like for the intended parents. habitancy need to perceive
that we are all human, and there are a lot of complicated emotions that both surrogates and intended
parents experience. It's foremost that surrogates and intended parents can be open with each other
without stepping on each others toes.

Juanita: How do habitancy go about looking a surrogate mother?

Zara: These are the three most base ways: (not in any particular order)

1) the Internet

2) Surrogacy agency

3) asking a friend or house member

Juanita: Is there any type of therapy required or recommended for everybody complicated in this
process?

Zara: anybody who goes through an infertility clinic (which is basically everybody who does
surrogacy, unless they opt to do at-home inseminations in the case of traditional surrogacy) Has to
have psychological screening done; both the intended parents, the surrogate and the surrogate's
husband if she is married. The surrogate also has to take a Mmpi (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality
Inventory). This is a series of questions with yes or no answers, and it measures things about the
surrogates personality to help conclude if she is a good candidate.

Most surrogacy agencies also offer the option of group counseling for the surrogates if they are
interested. And I don't know how many intended mothers/parents do go to therapy throughout the
surrogate pregnancies, but I'd assume there are habitancy that do, just because (as I mentioned above)
this can be a very stressful time.

Juanita: Have you researched or interviewed any children born through surrogacy and if so, what
were their thoughts?

Zara: No, but I'd love to someday.

Juanita: What is the base thread theme throughout the stories of the twenty women in your
book?

Zara: That regardless of what "brought" them to surrogacy, regardless of what their corporeal
condition was and what their histories are, regardless of the hurdles they encountered along the way,
that with persistence, estimation and faith, they all achieved their dreams. Every woman who tells
her story does certainly end up having a child or more through surrogacy, and every women does
eventually perceive the joys of holding that baby (or more) in their arms.

Juanita: Please let your readers know how they may perceive you or get additional information.

Zara: [http://www.zaragriswold.npauthors.com] is my website on my publisher's website, and is where the
book can be purchased. I also have a website that will ultimately turn into an informational resource
for surrogacy/infertility: http://www.surrogacywastheway.com
Finally, my email address is: SurrogacyBook@comcast.net

Juanita: Zara, you have written an eye-opening, honest, and very informative book that will serve
as a great resource for habitancy wanting more facts concerning surrogacy. Thank you for taking
time out to speak with us today. Do you have any last thoughts for your readers?

Zara: Thanks! I just hope the book helps habitancy who are at a "cross roads" conclude whether
surrogacy may be a good option for them. I hope that it gives them a realistic foresight of what the
possible scenarios are when going through surrogacy to have children. Most of all, I hope that it
helps habitancy perceive that when facing infertility, or trying to conclude how to create or add to a
family, that there are so many options available in today's day and age.

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